Show of hands, how many of you have worn an outfit so bad that you embarrass yourself just thinking about it? Anyone? Come on .... You. You in the trucker hat, raise your hand. You too. Yeah you, Lady Gaga. We saw that meat outfit and that lobster-face-thing you had going on. Seriously, what were you thinking? In fact, raise both hands. Maybe even a foot. Just stand. I think raising your whole body should do.
Anyone else want to join in? No one? You sure, really tan guy with the spiked hair in the Ed Hardy t-shirt? No. Okay, well I’ll start then. Saying that I have had tragic fashion moments is an understatement. From my Blossom flower hat to my court jester leggings phase - it happened, get over it - I have had quite the roller coaster ride with fashion. We all know the saying about kissing a lot of frogs to get to a prince, right? Well in my case, I have kissed a lot of frogs masquerading around as sweaters with mirrors on them and glitter Keds. Still searching for my prince, but in the meantime this duke will do.
You’re probably wondering why I am sharing this with you? This is actually intended to be part of my 12-step program. I am on step 9: Making amends with anyone I may have offended with my previous wardrobe choices. This list includes, but is not limited to, my sisters who were embarrassed to be seen with me in public, my parents who were forced to buy me a Snuggie, and my best friend who I incessantly asked, “can I borrow your lime green scrunchy?”
I have come so far over the years, only having a few minor setbacks - damn you, Kris Kross and your utterly appealing backwards attire - but now I can safely say that I have transformed into a respectively dressed adult. I guess looking back, all of my choices have brought me to this very moment: Step 10. With sheer will power and Saks right down the street, I will continue to conquer old habits. In the meantime, I’m checking out. My yellow sequin Ugg boots and I bid you adieu.
P.S. Anyone wondering if the Ugg boots come in pink, should probably start the 12-Step program, too.